I’ve read blog after blog from super Mom’s who claim Pinterest should never make any working Mom feel inadequate, less-then, or insecure in their ability to be a great parent. While part of me agrees with that logic, the other 95% gets really annoyed when Karen comes to school with rainbow marble cupcakes shaped like unicorns and a 14-page PDF handmade coloring book with 58 math and science problems hidden directly into the pages. And when asked? “Oh, I made them in only 19 hours after I saw them on Pinterest!” NO. BIG. DEAL.
All the while she smiles her glittery-white teeth at me and waves her perfectly manicured fingertips at me as a quick dismissal.
Sometimes I want to punch Karen.
I’ve attempted a few Pinterest ‘projects’, and most would be perfectly suitable for one of those “Nailed it” websites that poke fun at those that claim they’re “super-easy-to-do!”. Super my fat ass. You need an engineering degree to even understand the concept. I couldn’t even understand the simple set-up instructions for my blender.
Here are Five reasons why I will never be a Pinterest Mom (and why I am totally cool with that.)
1. I have a job. One that pays the bills. Unfortunately Mr. MoneyBags did not sweep me off my feet and in order for me to put dinner on the table and a roof over my kids heads, I have to leave the house at 6:30 am every morning. And I love it. I couldn’t image being a stay-at-home Mom. My kids are the reason I breath, but they are also the reason I sometimes I want to lock them in a room for a weekend.
2. I’ll never win the lottery. Having a disposable income is a luxury most single parents will never experience, and I am no different. Pinterest allows us to dream about what could-be, what should-be, what will never-be, and then what will-be after I drown my sorrows in that glass (or bottle) of wine because I’ll never-be able to afford any of it. But let’s be honest, I’d greatly increase my odds of winning if I bought an actual ticket. I can’t remember to lock my front door sometimes, let alone stop on a Friday afternoon to purchase one.
3. My kids wont eat a vegetable family medley or a sandwich with a smiley face any ways. My son is Autistic. He eats Pasta. That’s about it. I’d have a hell of a time encouraging him to try a Sponge Bob Square Pants ham roll-up and grapes with fondant hats. And he’d probably just play with the hot dog farm animal and paint his face with the glittered yoghurt. And my daughter? She’s thirteen. Lunch consists of a pizza pocket she grabbed out of the freezer running late for the bus, or a bag of Doritos she bought with her babysitting money. Eating anything remotely considered healthy would be social-suicide.
4. I am proud of my kids, even though they can’t craft. Let’s be real. None of the do-it-at-home kids crafts have ever been completed by a child. These Pinterest Mom’s send their little ones off to school, spend hours putting together the perfect crayon melt canvas, or string balloon lantern, and pin them in their “Craft Corner” as though their children are artistic geniuses. Ryder eats crayons and he lines string up in a row around the house like train tracks. He’d probably lick the glue and get his tongue stuck on the wall. No.Thank.You.
But I am certainly proud of him when he sticks his hand in paint and decorates any surface, even if it’s my living room couch or kitchen table. And Sadie’s idea of a craft? Using sticky tape to post picture murals of her selfies on her bedroom wall.
5. That never-ending list of things I want to do someday. Isn’t that the whole point of Pinterest? A great big to-do list? Not a list of what’s important or necessary, just a list of stuff that would be fun to do someday if you ever get around to it. Is that really what I need in my life? More stuff to do? Fuck No. I would rather shove a pencil in my eye than create even more things for me to do with the 24 minutes of free time I have every day. And that includes brushing my own teeth before bed.
Deep down I know that perfect parenting really doesn’t exist. But sometimes that’s difficult to remember when you are surrounded by all these images of perfection. And Pinterest Mom’s want you to believe they’re perfect by putting an insane amount of effort in creating that perception.
I am an imperfect parent. I am a work in progress. I make mistakes. I feed my kids too many chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, and the only yoga these pants will ever see is the gym commercial on TV when I am snuggling with my babies in our blanket fort on lazy Sundays. Which, ironically enough, would be the only time I could slice away to Pinterest anyways. And that’s never going to happen.