I’m going to talk about sex, and I don’t want to hear from an overbearing crowd of women that I am a slut for doing so. Sex is natural, beautiful and one of my favorite past times.
It can also be super awkward if you are just getting to know your partner. I haven’t had a ton of partners in my sexual past, so I have been lucky enough only to experience the awkwardness _ times … Come on you didn’t think I was going to give up a number did you?
So, guys I want to clear a few things up for you. I know most of you have one main objective when it comes to doing the dirty, but hold off for a bit fellas. SLOW DOWN, most of us women actually do enjoy sex but some of you and I do reiterate; some of you are doing it all wrong.
Disclaimer – These are solely my opinions, I do not claim for these to be the opinions of all Women.
1) I am not a PS4, Xbox or any other gaming console
Please and I beg of you, stop thumbing at my clitoris as if it’s your console’s controller. Up, down, back, back and triangle, only gets Sub-Zero of Mortal Kombat to his finishing move. Me, not so much. My clitoris does not want to be attacked by your thumb; I am not a video game and that circular motion you are using, only works on the PS4.
Also at no point while playing with said clitoris should you shout out “Finish Him.”
2) No one, and I mean no one wants it in the eye.
Guys don’t get me wrong I am willing to please. But if you dare think I am the girl from a recent porn you watched, and at any point believe I want you to ejaculate all over my face. You are sorely mistaken. I want to, need to and expect to hear you tell me; you are about to erupt. Please don’t get semen in my eye. I am not Jenna Jamieson, and I will not apologize for that.
3) Kissing me, IS Important
I don’t care how long we have been together, put your lips on mine and kiss me. As if it’s the first time we ever made out. Please do not swallow my face whole, and at no point shove your tongue so far down my throat that I feel as though I am making out with Gene Simmons. Kiss me, be powerful, but gentle, own it and want it.
4) I am not a fucking Yoga Master
I will do my best to be in any position that can bring the two of us to the height of sexual arousal. It’s just that my ankles and the back of my ears, they aren’t accustom to being so close. Don’t get me wrong. I will try, but when you hear the popping sound of my hamstring, that may mean it is time to let my legs come back to their God-given position.
5) A Blow Job is Foreplay
More often than not, if I have gotten into the knee formation. Pulled your pants down while you are watching your favorite sports team. It’s not because all I want to do is suck your dick. I am probably looking for sex. Honestly, not usually an indication that you should keep watching the football game; it is an invitation for sex guys. So instead of laying back with one eye on me and one on the game, put some effort in and make love to me.