Have you ever noticed when a girl is going through a breakup, her real friends stand by her, with a vengeance. It’s true when women decide to take a stand for something they believe in, i.e., someone who has made one of their friends cry, we band together, and something magical happens. First we sync up our periods and become superheroes of the don’t fuck with my friend kind. Then we surround the wounded pup with our strength and wine, a lot of wine.
With the mix of some stand-up women, the syncing of shark week and a little wine, us Women are revolutionizing the Girl-Code. What you need to know is we have upped the ante on this so-called Bro-Code. You chaps have no clue what it’s like to deal with a swarm of women doing best by their Bff’s.
The Girl-Code, which is built on the same principles as the Bro-Code, is done a little differently. First off, at no time is it okay to hook up with a group member’s ex. That boy is off-limits, for pretty much the rest of his life. Now, this isn’t to say it can’t happen. I want my tribe to know the rules. In the unwritten book it clearly states, if you are to have relations with a friend’s ex, the friend must be consulted, or at least notified. But let it be known its frowned upon. Also, it should not be directly after said break up. A small disclaimer reads: If the relationship was tumultuous, or proving to have caused pain and suffering, this man is forever off limits. You get it; there is pretty much no sex with a tribe member’s ex.
Reading this may cause some boys to stand up and shout in their manly voices, this is a rule of the Bro-Code as well. I am here to call bullshit. This so-called Bro-Code rule is not adhered to very often. Speaking from experience, I would say this rule gets overlooked on the regular. Not only have I been hit on by my ex’s friend the day of a break-up, but I have also been hit on by his friend while in a relationship. Where is the code in that? Just another reason the Vagina wins, in the world of unwritten rules. Guys lead with their yogurt slinger, thoughts of sex trumps all code when a man wants to press the baby button. Now, I am sure some guys wouldn’t touch there Bff’s girl with a ten-foot pole, that is unless she is super hot, he is drunk, and she whispers in his ear, I will never tell.
When it comes to the lady tribe and our Girl-Code, we too adhere to the ever lovely Bros before Hoes, except we are doing it right and with a little extra class. Well maybe not, Chicks before Dicks isn’t exactly classy, but the way we handle ourselves while practicing this command comes with a touch more class than our counterparts. Ladies, we got this, if it’s an all out Girls night, there is in no way shape or form we leave for a man. We stick together, talk about why we hate men and go home feeling free of all that ails us. This is where we solve the world’s problems, I mean err, talk about how to achieve multiple orgasms, indeed one of the world’s largest problems. At no time does Sally, leave the party to get laid, it is ladies night.
Don’t get me wrong I think the boys out there stating bros before hoes have the best of intentions. As they put their best cologne on and head out to the bar for some much-needed man time, chest bumping and clinking beer glasses all the time chiming bros before hoes. Then it happens, four shots later the large breasted waitress leans across the table to fetch their empty shot glasses. Eyes widen, and Jimmy now has alcohol induced courage. He thinks to himself, some shameless flirting with the waitress won’t hurt, I’m still hanging with my boys. That is until the server shows some interest in him. This is where it all ends, Jimmy now sees one thing and one thing only, the opportunity to part the pink sea. Just as Jimmy exits the bar with a lovely waitress attached to his arm, heard in the distance a faint murmur from his friends left behind. “Bros before hoes.” And. It’s. Over. No more boys night out.
I have heard Bro-Code states at no time does a fellow member divulge the whereabouts of his buddy when his girlfriend calls. The most aggravating rule of them all. Look I am not the type of girl who needs to know my man’s whereabouts twenty-four seven, but this shady practice is the exact reason the Bro-Code is failing miserably. Not to mention why I am fortunate to stand with my sister-tribe instead. Okay boys, if you are doing something that you don’t want your GF to know about, first off, don’t do it, secondly she’s not stupid, she already knows. She only called your friend to give you the warning; she already knew you were being an ass the moment you didn’t answer your phone.
Our Girl-Code doesn’t have a rule in place for when one of our men calls our Bff. Usually, the tribe member directly answers the phone and hands it off to the friend he is is looking for. If we are nowhere to be found, most likely the tribe is out looking for us because no girl gets left behind.
The Bro-Code is a sham. When men get together and talk about this élite club they stand so proudly in, there are fist bumps and high fives. Talk of hot women they have banged, or want to, most definitely some beer and dirty jokes. These so-called Bro-Code members are doing their absolute best to hide the mishaps of their brothers. The Girl-Code may be a little different, but we too follow some rules, and to be completely honest, we are doing a better job.