Right now you are probably thinking, oh great, another wretched Girl-Hates-Valentines-Day post.
I wouldn’t do that to y’all. Sort of.
It’s not that I hate the day of love, hate is a strong word. I just don’t find much use for it.
Besides, my perverted mind takes me down a much different road when I see #VD smeared across social media on the day of overpriced flowers and chocolates.
I don’t want to squash your perception of another commercially driven holiday, but have you ever noticed the acronym for Valentines Day is VD?
Of course you did; you guys are like the smartest people I know.
Here’s the problem, this is where my demented brain takes over and I become the teenage boy laughing at fart jokes.
I. Can’t. Help. It.
Hashtag VD (#VD) is a thing, and it needs to stop. If for no reason but to mitigate the immature sense of humour of my twisted mind.
On Valentines Day, my Facebook is lit up with people posting pictures of the eight dozen roses their significant other sent them, or their Instagrammed heart-shaped chocolates. The truth is, I’m happy for these lucky people, but I can’t help but giggle every damn time I read something like:
“Look at these gorgeous flowers Jordan bought me, I’m the luckiest girl in the world, guess who’s getting lucky tonight? #VD #V-Day #VD2016.”
“Can’t wait to get home to Cindy and do a little #NetflixAndChill #VD.”
“No kids tonight, Mark is taking me out to dinner, downtown. #VD2016.”
“Look at this watch Sam bought me, I am going to make him happy this #VD.”
“Best #VD EVER!”
“Just bought sexy panties for #VD.”
“Can’t wait to give Tim his gift, #VD.”
“Tom and I are at Coast Hotel, getting our #VD on.”
Nope, all of the nope! Please stop using the hashtag VD, for the love of god, please stop.
Possibly my perception is a little messed up, but come on people, help me out here! The first thing that comes to my mind is the long awkward talk my Mother had with me after I started dating.
It went something like this, “Let me tell you about Venereal Diseases.”
NO! No Mum, just no. I’ll stop there; no one needs to go through that, no one, not ever again.
That conversation was limited to, but not excluding the fun yet incredibly uncomfortable conversation concerning vaginal discharge. One more VD acronym, which does not place thoughts of chocolate and roses in my head.
Unfortunately, when I articulate the letters VD, Valentines Day isn’t the first thing that comes to my mind.
Putting my lips together to construct the sounds of the hard V and D becomes a little more sinister. My twisted sense of humour reads all of your well-meant Valentine’s Day posts as if you are going to have to get a prescription for antibiotics the following day. Or even worse, there may be some ladies out there in some drastic need of a vaginal cleanse.
Please stop using the hashtag VD, I beg of you. The alternatives may be lengthy, but dammit people, it’s worth it. Not only for my peace of mind but the mere fact these are not the type of hashtags you want to have misinterpreted.
I hope you all have a #VD free Valentines Day. I know I will.