Thanks for sending me an unsolicited picture of your penis.
PLEASE STOP SENDING ME PICTURES of your Pokemon-Play-Thing. It’s not turning me into a swooning mess. I DON’T KNOW YOU. Neither is it how I want or need to get to know you.
Is it because I have a public profile on Facebook that you assume, you should send me a picture of your genitals? Cuz, I just LOVE it (insert verbal irony font).
No. I. Do. Not. Love. It.
Nor do I fancy the unusually angled shot of the gears between your legs. By the way, I am just as convinced as you are that the sideways shot makes your dick look HUGE, especially while playing with background lighting and filters. (I take selfies, so I know the tricks of the trade).
But it does not make me want to call you up instantly and beg you for a date. Nope. No, thank you, Sir.
Again, I don’t know you. My first impression, SHOULD NOT BE, a picture of the components you use – to put ranch dressing in the Hidden-Valley.
Seriously, when has this EVER worked for you?
Nevermind, please don’t answer that, it saddens me to think this is the way you get the girls.
Don’t get me wrong; I like a beautiful pen15. I just don’t like it in my messenger.
For. No. Reason.
There is no incentive for you to slam me with visions of how you may bring your al dente noodle to the spaghetti house. I get it; you like your dick, but it’s not the ice breaker. It’s not how you show a lady you care. This I promise you.
I am worth more than just a picture of your absolute love for your manliness.
Dude, please think before you send me an unsolicited dick pic. My public profile and lack of pictures with a significant other is not an invitation for you and your Meat Dagger to show up in my messenger.
A public profile does not mean, “Hey boys; I wanna see your dick.”
Yet, you seem to believe; public profile has two meanings.
The first and genuine meaning: PUBLIC PROFILE, a profile in which everyone can see your profile. (Seems appropriate).
The second meaning: (not as well-known as the first), please send me unsolicited dick pics.
Obvs, the second definition falls under my naïvety for social media conduct, and your need to proudly take and send pictures of your erect penis.
Let’s be honest…
What more could a girl want, than gratuitous pictures of a penis? I mean, sheesh, it’s like a dream come true when I open my messenger, and there you are. Standing at attention. In all of your unshaved and veiny glory.
P.S. – Manscaping is a thing Dude; I take care of my down-there-hair. Therefore, if you believe, for some godforsaken reason, I NEED to see your Henry Long Fellow. Wack the damn weeds. (Besides, I have heard it makes you look bigger, just sayin’).
But for reals, your penis pic is not the ONE thing I’ve been looking for all my life. And it certainly is not going to be the reason I message you back.
It is the exact opposite actually.
Okay, I know, you can’t help yourself. You are super proud of your verbose blow pipe. And good on ya. I am sure it has brought you many hours of pleasure. I get it, I at times have the envy of the penis, (masturbation as a woman isn’t as easy as one would think). Although by now, I have mastered-the-bation, if you now what I mean.
Albeit as proud as I am of my Magical Sandwich, it is not the first picture I would send to a guy in anticipation of a date. (Even though, in this day and age, I am certain I would get some action). Still not the way I would go about getting a date. So why are you?
That is what you are doing when you send me a dick pic, right? You are hoping I fall to my knees in complete awe and I beg for you to take me now?
Yeah, nope. It doesn’t work that way.
No matter how proud you are of your Pink-Skulled Parts, you will not find me shouting, BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! When your penis suddenly appears in my messenger. Please get my He-Man reference.
Your dick pic does nothing for me. The only time, I want to see your penis, (which won’t simply be by you showing me your man parts, via messenger), is when you are putting the wand in the chamber of secrets. And when that time comes, I will have fallen in love with your mind, much before I fell in love with your dick pic.
So hey, could Y’all stop. I am not interested in taking the bald-headed gnome for a stroll in my misty forest, especially not just because you showed it to me in my messenger.
Sincerely, The girl who doesn’t want unsolicited dick pics anymore.