Starting a new job can be exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
My first day back to work after a divorce and seven years of being an SAHM was a nightmare.
Feeling my heartbeat through my chest and trying not to shake; I walked towards the entrance of my new Office. Astonished I had even landed the job. I hadn’t done anything but talk about playdates potty training and poop for the past seven years.
A little about me, “Murphy’s Law” should write “Darla’s Law.” If it is strange and out of the ordinary it usually happens to me
As I walked up to the office doors, I noticed a few black crows circling the area. Being that the office was close to a sewage plant, I didn’t pay much attention. What I did notice was I was walking towards a fishbowl of an office. I could see everyone inside clearly, which did nothing for my nerves as they watched me approach.
Just as I reached for the clear glass door, I heard a terrifying sound. Cuh-caw, Cuh-caw. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see a crow the size of an Eagle.
Seriously, have you ever been up close to a crow, these things are fucking huge
The whole office was watching, eyes wide as saucers as I became Jessica Tandy from Alfred Hitchcock’s movie, The Birds.
Without any notice, my perfectly quaffed hair had become the landing site for this insanely large predatory (or so it felt) bird.
Utterly mortified, I had no choice but to walk through the doors and start my first day on the job. The Sales Manager who sat directly in front of the doors looked at me with astonishment. I believe he was stifling a full-out belly laugh as he said “Welcome, err-umm … awesome entrance?”
Without missing-a-beat, I asked, “My hair look OK? I tried something new this morning.”
As I said, I am quite used to these out of the ordinary things occurring in my life.
After cleaning up my tangled hair and getting the tour of the office. My office manager showed me to my workstation. Just so happened to be smack-dab in the middle of the entire office.
Perfect now everyone can gawk at the crow girl
The day had not started off exactly how I had planned, but the people seemed to be nice. My nerves had calmed.
By lunch time, I was able to laugh about my Hitchcock entrance with a few of the other employees. Particularly with the sales manager whose desk sat directly behind mine.
When the buzzer went for lunch, I stood up out of my chair. Seems like a simple task, no? Not if you are Darla, I guess my pants had somehow wrapped themselves into one of the wheels of my chair. Now imagine as I try to take a step with one leg glued to the ground. I like to call this the Holy-shit-I-am-going-to-die fall.
Have you seen the Gong Show? You know the sound the Gong makes? That is the exact, same, sound; my forehead made as it connected with the thin metal of the front of the desk.
There I am laying on the floor; chair still attached to my pants. I look up to see my new sales manager looking over the edge of his desk at me and he says “Maybe you need to reconsider this job?” I replied “Wait, it will get worse, this is just my first day.”
Do you have a funny story about a bad day at work? Because let’s be honest mine could have not have gone any worse.