Friendships have become hard for me; I have had the pleasure of feeling hurt and significant distrust from people I once used the word friend to describe. I have told secrets concerning myself and the pain in which I held them. I have given up excessive truths to people who have laid them out before me as if they were a god and then judged me. I have lost the once open heart I chose to hold with such will; I use to scream it until horse.
I have a hard time using the word friend.
I am not one of the spirits that came that way; I wasn’t born to mistrust, it simply isn’t in me. I most often fall deeply in love with a person the moment I meet them. I eat their words like candy, tasting their very thoughts, only with the hope I get to know them from inside. I have worn this bleeding heart on my sleeve since the moment I was created. Yet now it’s the one that has now been drained due to the venomous teeth suckling at my bleeding heart. I have lost my trust in friendships; I have become a hard nut to crack.
It takes some time for me to come out from behind my Mother’s Leg. But when this sad, scared little girl with the fear of hurt finally does, you better bet your bottom dollar I am all-in.
A very select few have been able to permeate this now thick-skinned heart. One of them that has; is my friend Carmen.
We didn’t start as the best of friends. Carmen came into my life after I learned how deep, a so-called-friend, can cut you to your core. She wasn’t easily trusted by myself, but in her defense, not many at this time had a chance to open my broken heart. I wasn’t interested in another friendship that could go sour. I don’t think I had it in me. Although, somehow Carmen pushed on, giving me the benefit of the doubt. Wanting, for some unknown reason, to be my friend.
It didn’t take long for me to open-up little by little, you see, Carmen has a way about her. She genuinely cares about what is happening in your life. Judging you isn’t her thing. She has lived a life full of judgement, which became the main reason my heart let this friendship blossom. I could relate to her as I too had been judged inadvertently.
She has raised an Autistic Son and a Teenage daughter, mostly on her own, until recently meeting an amazing man who loves her to death. She is strong and adversely independent with the tenacity of a woman I wish to be like. But she is controversial, she speaks her mind and does what she likes. That is why I love her the most-est. I understood how she felt misunderstood.
I could feel myself letting her in through the hardened cracks of my heart. It didn’t take long before she had softened me, I started to love her.
Carmen has become, not only my friend but one of my closest friends. I trust this woman with my life and the life of my kids. She is talented, beautiful and someone I am more than lucky to have in my life. I am grateful to have her as a part of NewWorldMom, but more so I am fortunate to have her as a friend in my real everyday life.
So please help me wish this unrequited soul a very Happy Birthday. She deserves nothing more than to have the best year ever.
Happy Birthday, Sweet Thang, I love you!