I love a good comedian, but more so I love a crass, say shit as it is, dirty mouthed Woman. I love a raunchy joke, and it pleases me to hear a good off-handed comment. Don’t get me wrong, I am as fair as they come. I don’t believe that anyone should be treated unjustly. I am the girl who will ask you to wash your prejudice mouth out with soap if you even start to tell me a joke that is derogatory in any form. I’m an asshole that way. But reality, I love it when I hear a woman speak with no fear. Could it be I relate to Miss Amy? Hell yeah, I do.
Could it very well be that I am dirty-mouthed and crass? Bitch please, I live for crossing the line. I enjoy shocking your ears with my hot mess of a mouth. Come on ladies, you were thinking it. I just happened to be the one brave enough to say it. Hence why I love the Amy. This girl has it going the fuck-on. Yeah, she says shit that is over the line, but we laugh. We laugh because there is some truth to her words.
These are the reason’s I believe Amy and I need to be best friends.
Oh and up next on the blog, how I will become the third wheel in the Womance of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.
Amy say’s shit that totally relates, such as:
“I walked in on him masturbating. He’s like, ‘Are you mad?’ I’m like, ‘Uh no, but you seem to be. Holy shit. Does it owe you money?” – Amy Schumer
Me walking in on a significant other masturbating. – Give it all you got babe puts down groceries I mean, hell I don’t even think I have the strength to pour myself a drink after watching that.
“It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that its work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.” – Amy Schumer
Me – ” Pretend like we are on a first date, soft and romantic-like. Don’t spit on it and pretend like that is romance. I ain’t no two-bit hooker.”
“I am a hot-blooded fire, and I am fearless,” – Amy Schumer
Me – “I have stood in the fire and do not fear being burnt again.”
“I don’t think that’s a cute accent on dudes – the French accent. It makes my vagina shut like a steel trap. I mean, thank god for that other hole.” – Amy Schumer
Me – “I could care less if you have an accent. If it’s not once a month or on your Birthday, you are not getting anywhere near my ass.”
“I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea — he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, ‘He’s probably in a band.'” – Amy Schumer
Me – “Hey, did you see how hot that homeless guy is? Maybe I can fix him, change him somehow, I mean he isn’t really any different from any other guy I have dated, right?”
“You have to pretend like you want to use a condom. I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I’ll be like, ‘You’re going to want to wear this. I’ve had a busy month.” – Amy Schumer
Me – “So, uh, you have a condom right? I am kind of a baby making machine; I can get pregnant sitting on a dirty toilet seat.”
Clearly Amy and I need to be #Besties.
Cheers, to all the Woman that don’t give a rats ass what people think. Speaking your mind and crossing that invisible line is what is going to change the world. Whether it be with foul-mouthed language or not. I love you Amy!