I clearly remember driving my kids home from daycare about 6 months after leaving my husband, and my 4-year-old daughter asked me why we couldn’t live in the big house with Daddy any more. Why did we have to move to this little town house without him. My heart was broken and all I could say was, sorry baby. I cried myself to sleep that night. I felt like I was ruining my children’s lives. All those great things they had, the big yard, the toys, their own space to play, and a stay at home Mom. I felt as though I ruined everything! I apologized to them almost everyday.
These are the reason’s I stopped apologizing and started explaining to them the truth.
“Much as we might like to believe the opposite, children are much more concerned with their own personal happiness than anyone else’s. Parents contemplating divorce should remember their own emotional concerns are not naturally aligned with their child’s. So when a divorcing parent argues, “How could my children be happy if I wasn’t happy?” I always think, “Quite easily, in fact.”
Everyone has the right to be happy. Even their Mom and Dad
Yes my children should do all they can to make sure they stick with what they have signed up for. I do not teach the easy way out. Divorce or quitting anything should be well thought through, and not always an option. Yet, I believe that I deserve to be happy as much as the next person, as do they. Why I disagree with the above quote is very simple. Living in a tumultuous house can be just as detrimental. We as parents have to pick which we believe is better for our children and teach them that hard decisions will have to be made. They will have to live with something that wasn’t their choice, true.
There will always be tough time’s and not everything is in our control. I do not preach quitting anything! I teach my children, that their happiness is important and they deserve it. They have to work at it.
People aren’t perfect, I am most definitely not perfect. Of course I didn’t want to hurt my kids and tear them away from all they once knew, but I stopped apologizing for it. Every time I apologized to them, they had no choice but to believe it was a bad thing. I mean really, we are supposed to only apologize when we do something wrong, right? It only perpetuated the problem. I had to be strong and stand up for my decisions, so do they. I can’t possibly teach my children to stand up for what they believe in if I don’t, can I?
I never wanted to put my children through a divorce, but I stopped apologizing and started explaining. I started talking with them, not to them. They know it is not their fault I left their Dad.
To all the Mom’s still apologizing to your kids for your divorce, take some time to think about what you are apologizing for. Take some time to hear what they have to say. They deserve to know why you made a life changing decision. It doesn’t have to include all the gory details, but they are much smarter than you think, they may already know.